The Oligarch’s Cookbook: Kushner Profiteroles

Are you looking for a bland, doughy recipe, delicious when properly executed but when sloppily done – eh. We give you Kushner Profiteroles. Seriously, what does this guy think he’s doing on the global stage making any kind of statement or decision, much less brokering peace in the Middle East.

What uninformed and grandiose opinion might I deploy today, well out of my depth.

INGREDIENTS

1 jailed father

3 c. inassertiveness

½ c. extra-fine values

1 t. bitterness

1 T. thirst for vengeance

1 XL Ivanka (blonde a must)

1 t. boring career (real-estate is good; finance also acceptable)

1 pint ego

1 8 oz. bar bitter in-law

Well in advance, place a father of questionable ethics in prison for two years when the ingredients are young. Store him after his release with the dry ingredients so that they age together. 

Measure out the inassertiveness if you can – or maybe later. It’s never really clear when to measure. Maybe ask your lawyer? Muddle the extra-fine values and combine them with the inassertiveness. Add the bitterness and thirst for vengeance. Beat in one XL Ivanka. Continue to beat until mixture is airy and stiff. It will be very pale and sticky. Form it into small balls and place on a baking sheet. Bake for 10 minutes at moderate heat, taking care that the doughy balls set, but do not turn color. They should remain pale.

For the creamy filling, whip 1 pint of ego until it forms stiff peaks. Fold in a mild career in real estate. Carefully slice each ball in half and hollow it out slightly to add the cream filling. Arrange all the stuffed balls on a platter.

Take the bar of bitter in-law and melt it over low heat. After it has cooled, drip over profiteroles in a cross-hatch pattern to evoke a grille. That seems familiar …